As we grow up, our thoughts change. We shift from one phase to another. Sometimes, it happens every day or every week, or maybe it takes a year or so to see what has changed within you. But the fun part is, it’s also hard to observe your own changes. There are characteristics you can be aware of, which you can use for the sake of the comparison between old and present, but I’m not sure if you can entirely remember who you were. It’s hard to keep track of your shift in your thoughts until and unless you’re briefly writing about it, but not everyone does that, and even if they do, it doesn’t make sense to go back and compare yourself.

Now, it’s important for me to clarify that every word that’s being written is purely in the context of the title of this post. I’m writing it because a few years back, I realized that I don’t read what I write. There seems to be no point or fun or curiosity in even stumbling upon my own words from the past. Sometimes I look at the titles of the posts I’ve written and I cannot recall their content. In the beginning (not during the big bang; probably around 2016), I do remember writing somewhere regarding me not having even a slight urge to open my old posts, and over time it became natural for me to write, post, and forget. It’s a routine that’s now a part of my life, although there’s no routine. Is it a habit? I don’t know. What it is then? I don’t know.

If I sit back and ask myself what has changed since 2016, I’d have not much of the clue, and I remain hesitant and unenthusiastic comparing the way I used to write and the way I write now. Although I can definitely say that my grammar has improved, and now I write without putting much of the effort as I’m able to maintain a flow between my thoughts and typing speed, and it gives me the advantage of expressing in a way that feels more like a conversation. I’ve always liked this term “Raw Thoughts”, which I picked from Aaron Swartz’s blog, and I think that’s what I do. My words are raw rather than crafted carefully to make someone understand what I’m saying, but the good part is – I only write for myself, I don’t write in a hope that someone else will read it and tell me they really liked my post or a good portion of them didn’t make sense any to them.

This post might seem like a justification presented by me to dust off what I used to be, but I’m unsure if I’ve justified anything. I’m uncertain whether I’ve written anything decent or problematic, and I don’t want to go back and delete or revise anything to polish or tweak my past thoughts. I’m sure a lot has changed in me, but that doesn’t mean I have to alter the posts that can represent my present in a way that takes me out of this pit of contradictions. In case someone stumbles upon this blog and jumps from one post to another, they’ll be able to observe the shift in my thoughts, my choice of words, my opinions, and almost every facet of my writing.

I’m not someone who likes the idea of sticking to ideologies. But when you believe in something for too long without questioning your stance, or when you create a massive defense line to protect your own words while being aware of the flaws they carry, you end up creating an echo chamber where everything you say makes perfect sense. It’s a gradual process, but it happens.

Through this blog post, I’m acknowledging a few things.

• My opinions will change over time, as they should.
• I understand that I will thoroughly contradict myself.
• Soon, these words shall be erased from my memory.
• What I’ve written is not worth remembering.

Nothing substantial so far, but I think I’m done writing at this point in time.