I remember when I wrote my first letter back in 2018, and I remember the person to whom I wrote it. It was the first serious letter, as it involved a lot of expressing and questioning. I don’t remember exactly what I wrote (I’m lying), and years have passed since I last thought about it (I’m not lying), but it actually gave me butterflies and an adrenaline rush when I sent it and later received a response. It was the first time I wrote something I truly meant, and since I was lucky, the response I received encouraged me to continue writing.

The exchange went on for years, with minor and some major breaks, and involved different people, but it kept happening. I’ve always had good relationships, and to this day, I’ve got nothing against anyone who has been a part of my life. Those were good times because now, if you express too much, you end up becoming a repulsive object in the universe. I’m not so old, but back in the day, things were simple. I was fortunate enough to meet people who were neither toxic nor fragile.

Looking back and thinking about those times now, I realize how fortunate I was. I feel like I was purely lucky to have met with such beautiful and remarkable individuals. At the same time, I’m grateful for their presence in my life, regardless of how long they stayed. The length of time doesn’t define the quality of moments you share with people. Each of them brought something beautiful into my life, leaving a lasting impression of which I’m unaware of (I’m thoroughly aware). Everyone’s shaped purely by their experience, and so am I.

It’s 2023, and I still haven’t given up on writing letters. For me, it now comes naturally, as I’m able to easily convey my thoughts into words. Since I avoid sugarcoating and am perfectly okay with sometimes not making sense, I can write things down with ease. With years of practice, the frequency of my letter writing has increased. Thankfully, the recipients don’t take my expressions too seriously, which gives me a comfortable space to say what I want to say—or even what I don’t want to say, and I write it anyway. Honestly, I don’t want to be taken too seriously—otherwise, where’s the fun in that? The comfort of writing freely has its downside, as the reader might find the words unpleasing, but that’s up to them

Everyone writes differently, as they should. I write conversationally, but the words are not presented on the pages as if some dialogue is being spoken. It’s all paragraphs. While typing or writing, I go through a phase of having a one-way exchange where the other person is sitting right in front of me. I speak to them, say what I want to, ask questions, assume what they’d say, and reply to them. This makes my writing feel more personal, almost as if we’re having a face-to-face conversation. Sometimes, I even find myself chuckling at their imagined responses. I often visualize them in my mind; it’s now almost a habit that has developed over time. This mental image helps me stay connected to the essence of my letters, no matter how imperfect it may be. It ensures that everything I write is genuine, rather than an attempt to please or hurt the reader with my words.

I think I’ve said enough, so now I’ll go and take a shower. It’s almost 6 a.m., and I’m on a cold shower spree, thanks to Dr. Huberman. Apparently, it’s supposed to boost my metabolism and make me feel invincible. It’s a refreshing way to start the day—or a peculiar form of self-torture, depending on your perspective. Either way, I’m committed to this.