Until the day before yesterday, I was in a long-distance relationship, which feels weird because I’ve always been in long-distance relationships. I feel awkward meeting women because I don’t know what to say to them. Most of the time, I don’t have anything substantial to talk about, but I enjoy hearing what others have to say. Maybe that’s why I’m liked by gals. Just kidding!

I also don’t follow the conventional methods of dating, which revolve around making plans, going on dates, and talking about your day. I don’t even remember the last time I talked about my day. It just feels weird. The way I see it—to specifically go on a date would require dressing properly, going to a nice restaurant, and forcing yourself to talk about something interesting and whatnot. I don’t know what people do on dates. I’m not completely alienated from the world of dating, but the way I do things is the opposite of what I hear from people. One thing I know for sure, if I plan something, I’ll do the opposite. I don’t stick to plans because random things are more fun than static to-dos. I like to stop at random places, try random things, and have fun along the way. I’ve met women in the past, but this isn’t about them.

Rant over, now onto the important part.

I met my girlfriend in Varanasi. She came with her friends to travel, and I went there because I finally decided to come out of my shell and meet my beautiful lady, something I had been avoiding for months. But it was all worth it. She arrived a day before I did, and I met her on the morning of the 8th. I should have been there by 4 am, but thanks to Indian railways, I arrived at 5:30, and then it took another half an hour to reach where she was staying.

I decided to give her a silly surprise, so I hid near her hotel and called her, telling her to come to Assi Ghat. I’m not sure if she believed me, but after a few minutes, I saw the gate opening, and this beautiful woman came out. It wasn’t her. Just kidding, it was her. I decided to wait until she walked a few meters so that I could follow her and tap her shoulder, but as I was approaching her, she looked back and saw me. I don’t know what she was thinking, but I saw her eyes, and damn, I was too damn close to falling in love twice, so I decided to fall in love with her again. Oh, it’s one the easiest things I’ve ever done.

The eyes, chico, they never lie.

After meeting, we went to have chai and cigarettes near BHU and decided to go to Assi Ghat. When we reached there, we thought we’d take a long walk from Assi to Dashashwamedh, but we stopped at a couple of ghats. At Tulsi Ghat, I gave her the letters which I wrote and a poetry book that had the poems of Emily Dickinson. Then we stopped at Harishchandra Ghat, sat there for a while, and saw a funeral taking place. The sun was already getting brighter, so we decided to explore the galiyaan of Varanasi. Having visited Varanasi many times, I’m fairly aware of how to navigate. Later, we entered Bengali Tola, and after walking for a few minutes, we had our small breakfast - idli and sambhar, which was okay. Then, somehow, we reached near the Mona Lisa Cafe (which is pretty well-known in Varanasi for tourists) and spent around an hour there before continuing our walking. She wrote something in the diary I gave her, and we had our mildly cold coffee. I hate cold coffees, and I don’t know if she liked it or not. Turns out, they serve bad cold coffee. Never mind.

During the afternoon, we decided to go for a walk and see a few things, but we saw nothing for the city is famous for. For some odd reasons, I don’t know why I never go to the known places and end up walking here and there. The proximity of exploration was limited, but we were having a good time together. The walk was nice and we were moving quickly and as it was already evening, we decided to go to Assi Ghat again. The Ghat was overcrowded so we decided to sit at a cafe, which we did, and it was nice. The place was quite, we had another round of cold coffee and a few cigarettes.

The next day, around 6 o’clock, we went to Vishwanath Temple. After a 10-15 minute walk, we arrived. I didn’t go inside the temple because she forgot to take off her digital watch, so I had to carry it. The way everything looked, I didn’t feel like going inside anyway. Things have changed so much in Varanasi; I’m glad I had already seen how the city was before modernization took over everything.

Anyway, around forty minutes passed, and I saw everyone coming out but her. I wasn’t anxious or paranoid, but I thought she got lost since the temple has multiple exit gates, and when you’re new, it’s easy to forget which gate leads where. A few more minutes passed, and I finally saw her — it was such a relief. We both weren’t wearing any shoes or sandals, and no one had carried their phone, and she being new to the city - it made situation a bit trippy. Gladly, this tiny human being didn’t get lost. I was happy to see her.

Time passed, and we wandered around, visiting a few places before finally sitting at Munshi Ghat for a while. She got a call from her friends, who were at Assi Ghat. I was a bit hesitant to meet them, but I did. For some reason, I avoid meeting people. I don’t know why. Fast forward, they decided to take a boat ride. She asked me to join, but I don’t like making things awkward. It’s like if someone new comes and sits among my friend group, I’d feel damn awkward. I also think moments like these are better spent with your own friend group, so I decided to take a quick walk and click some pictures.

Moving forward, it was already evening, and we both had to catch trains. We had to rush because it was getting late, and at night, the auto rickshaws don’t usually go from Assi to Dashashwamedh (ours didn’t). Fortunately, in the middle, there’s a narrow path that provides an easy way to reach Dashashwamedh. Thankfully, I spotted it, and we decided to walk from there to the hostel. The narrow streets of Varanasi are confusing—one wrong turn at a crucial time, and you end up somewhere else. Luckily, nothing like that happened to us, and we reached the hostel just in time, packed our bags, and were ready to leave.

My train’s timing was later, but she had to leave earlier. There is more than one station in Varanasi, and her train wasn’t departing from the main junction, which is where we reached first. Anyway, we had to pay some extra money to the auto rickshaw driver, but he took us to the other station quickly. Fortunately, there was still some time left, and her friends hadn’t arrived yet. We had our last chai together, and then her friends showed up. It was time to say adios until we meet again, but I don’t do that shit. You’ll never catch me saying bye or goodbye, it’s not my thing. I walked out, but after a couple of minutes, I went back inside the coach to see her again. It wasn’t for too long, but it was enough. Now, it was almost time to catch my train.

Love feels strange sometimes, but it’s a good feeling to feel.